I’ve had many days by the ocean. It’s where I go to think, and lately, there’s been much to think about. I feel… a bit strained because I’ve been pushing myself to be better.
Doing better started with dropping the soda… for real this time.
I am happy to report that I have been more than 1 month soda sober and I finally feel like I’m past the worst of the withdrawals. If I fall back now, it will be because I have no willpower and I refuse to let that happen since I know what I did wrong the last time.
I went 5 years without touching any soda and it all went to shit when I began the slippery slope of separating energy drinks from normal soda. I went from Monster, to Redbull, to Booster and it really was a gateway drug to the soda. It took me over so fast. I didn’t even notice. I figured since I could handle energy drinks, I could have 1 soda and it wouldn’t matter. But I couldn’t. Before I knew it I was back in the addiction and ordering a 100 cans of soda to my doorstep a month just to keep up with it. It wasn’t good for me or my wallet.
I just have to accept that I can’t have soda or energy drinks and live without it. And it’s not so bad. I feel much better after I cleared my system of all that sugar. I have more energy, amazing skin, no bad breath and my teeth don’t hurt all the time anymore.
Let me tell ya, when you have no enamel left, your teeth get sore… in a way that is difficult to explain. Especially when you drown them in acid over and over.
But I have found a new weapon against temptations… peach flavor you add to water. I’ve found a site that sells a flavor that turns normal water into something that tastes a lot like Nestea. And to make it better; you can get it in bulk for a pretty fair price.
I’ve been living on this for a month and I’m not getting tired of it yet.
Otherwise, I saw something on the news that killed my spirit.
Apparently, assholes are bullying handicapped people online to a degree where our politicians now have to vote on a law that makes that illegal.
I swear, I died a little inside when I heard this poor woman suffering from MS (Multiple Sclerosis) discussing how people online tells her that she’s ugly and to go kill herself.
I mean, my goodness, is this what it’s come to? What is wrong with the human psyche that we now need laws to make sure we treat each other kindly?
I thought a lot about this wheelchair bound woman while I sat on the bridge looking at my functional legs and really appreciating how able-bodied I am.
It’s something that I take for granted way too often and it makes me ashamed. I need to be better at counting my blessings… every single little one… there’s a lot of them, after all.
Another thing… the driving adventure is not over. I’ve been having more lessons. In fact, I have another lesson tomorrow at 10 am. I know that probably sounds weird to you if you’ve read this post. I don’t blame you for the confusion. It is hard to keep up with.
Basically, my dad would not leave it alone and contacted his buddy (my driving instructor) to get the full story. It turns out that Peter (my DI) didn’t drop me, but that the co-owner of the driving school decided to buy that new car and then ban all the other instructors from driving it. He just transferred all the remaining students from the old car (4) to himself in the new car with no consideration for anyone involved.
And I know exactly who this person is… his name is Michael; I’ve met him and he’s a prick. The kind of person who likes to intimidate others and he was clashing with my dad the first time we went to the school because my dad isn’t the type who just rolls over.
We tried to tell him about my disabilities and he had no understanding for it. He looked at me like I was some bug under his shoe… the disdain he had for me was clear… it came partly from the fact that I am taking the license for automatic and not manual gear.
I know it’s normal in the US and other countries to drive automatic but in Denmark it’s rare and there’s a lot of prejudices about auto-drivers; that we can’t drive and the only right way to drive a car is with manual gear, otherwise we shouldn’t even try.
I ran into a lot of verbal abuse online when I asked around for a school where I could take an automatic license, because not all drive schools here even offers it.
And this was the person I was supposed to drive with? Hell no. Luckily, Peter told him that I would quit if I didn’t stay with him and the school had to take my autism into consideration. My dad even threatened to sue the school for breach of contract. It can’t be legal to just transfer students like this. I guess it would be bad business if it got out because, in the end, he allowed me to continue in the new car with Peter.
So this is where we are… I’ve had 2 lessons since and it makes absolutely no difference. I am still a horrendous driver and no amount of lessons will help. But I am pushing on to please my dad. He really wants me to give it a last try…. so I will… for him.
I’m fighting to drive better, but I still don’t have hope that I will pass on my 4th try either.
Oh… if only the inside of my head could be as calm as that ocean… but it rarely is.
Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well.